Received for 2017

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2017: Submit a Tribute : Entry # 339
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Kala_Dasa-1973-Jan-Day_unknown-Location_unknown
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kala.dasa@gmail.com
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Dear Srila Prabhupad, please accept my most humble obeisances at your divine lotus feet.
All glories to you and your very compassionate shower of mercy on this wretch lying prostrated before you.
From the very first time our eyes met I felt awkward and guilty for my deviations from instructions, which you most probably gave in some previous life. I felt as if you were thinking "Oh, it's you again"
" Will you do any better this time around?"
Since that encounter I swim in the bliss of serving you infrequently. Yes I must admit I am not always vigilant to continuously serve you, but when I do the bliss is sufficient to keep hope that I may again serve you life after life. It's a kind of limbo I'm in, which will most likely keep me from attaining full freedom from material entanglement. Service to you is so relishable that I have very little inclination to advance further.
I'm not going to pray for calamities like queen Kunti does, to help remind her of Lord Krishna. I've had more than my fair share of trying challenges. Why I don't pray like Queen Kunti is because when difficulties come my way or I feel cheated, I incorporate my past solutions of sense gratification to try and balance out the misery.
So I'm sitting on a kind of plateau of spiritual complacency, happy with life as it has been, as it is, not too involved with total immersion in your service for fear that I may encounter challenges brought about mainly because of my ego. Yes I have a big one, I most often think I am right and therefore I challenge authorities wherever and whenever we meet. Yes this is a big regular problem for me.
Then there have been times when I've chanted the Holy Names of the Maha Mantra more than 64 rounds of Japa " on beads" in a single day. Then after patting myself on the back for that accomplishment I realize how easy it is to chant so many rounds but not really communicate with Hare, Krishna or Rama the whole time. Instead of thinking humbly, praying for service or thinking of Krishna and His Pastimes in Vrindavan, Dwarka or Mayapur as Lord Chaitanya, only thoughts of food, sex, sleep or defense have been prominent. I must be suffering from a type of amnesia because while in the presence of the Holy Name I fail to recognize Nam at all. " How have these calamities come upon me?"
Every once in a while a tear comes to my dry desert like eyes when I hear a Vaisnav chant Krishna's Name so lovingly but only if he/ she has a very melodious voice. I then realize my attachment is to the musical tones rather than the Pure Nam.

A few nights ago I had a very rare encounter with you, Srila Prabhupad in a dream. You chastised me for not being a very good servant. As you continued your talk I was feeling proud of myself for sitting nicely cross legged before you. Consequently I didn't hear anything you were saying, but then when you were done talking and I tried to get up I couldn't, by myself....you had to help me.
I blamed my inability on being 70 years old, but you didn't want to hear any excuses at all.
I guess you could understand that I have a history of blaming this or that or somebody for my shortcomings to interfere with serving you nicely.
When you accepted me as your student and named me and asked me to follow the regulative principles, it was easy to say yes, but did I? .....No! ....Can I?.... Maybe someday.
Despite knowing my shortcomings you engaged me in your service. Because of the service you have engaged me in I can loudly declare to the world you are the most "tolerant" "compassionate" "loving" "forgiving" person I have ever known.
If anyone wants to know how compassionate you are then they need only look at me. Despite being a wretched fool you have saved me from the greatest calamity in the material world by giving me some service to you.
Your mercy is truly all that I am made of, of this there is no doubt. You remain as my guide and tolerate everything.
If there is anything at all that I have done which pleases you, Srila Prabhupad, then please let that be sufficient to grant me further future service to you, even if it isn't that great. I'm pretty good at cleaning so if you need someone then please keep me in mind and consider me for the job.

Your compassionate mercy is my only solace, my only hope, my only real source of satisfaction.
Yes I still need satisfaction, my service attitude is very conditional I admit. So please be forgiving of my very neophyte mentality, I pray.

Will I ever grow up and out of this juvenile mood? I don't know, maybe in many more life times.
Please remain patient with me dear Srila Prabhupad. Please overlook my familiarity in the same way a father overlooks the son's foolishness. Think of me more like a son, after all you named me
And brought me into your family. I'm much less of a disciple than your son. I have no discipline.
But I will always have you because I know you love me and I love you.

Your loving compassionate fatherly mercy mean everything to me.
I know you will always be there to help me up.

Your eternal son,
Kala das
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Dear Srila Prabhupad, please accept my most humble obeisances at your divine lotus feet.
All glories to you and your very compassionate shower of mercy on this wretch lying prostrated before you.
From the very first time our eyes met I felt awkward and guilty for my deviations from instructions, which you most probably gave in some previous life. I felt as if you were thinking "Oh, it's you again"
" Will you do any better this time around?"
Since that encounter I swim in the bliss of serving you infrequently. Yes I must admit I am not always vigilant to continuously serve you, but when I do the bliss is sufficient to keep hope that I may again serve you life after life. It's a kind of limbo I'm in, which will most likely keep me from attaining full freedom from material entanglement. Service to you is so relishable that I have very little inclination to advance further.
I'm not going to pray for calamities like queen Kunti does, to help remind her of Lord Krishna. I've had more than my fair share of trying challenges. Why I don't pray like Queen Kunti is because when difficulties come my way or I feel cheated, I incorporate my past solutions of sense gratification to try and balance out the misery.
So I'm sitting on a kind of plateau of spiritual complacency, happy with life as it has been, as it is, not too involved with total immersion in your service for fear that I may encounter challenges brought about mainly because of my ego. Yes I have a big one, I most often think I am right and therefore I challenge authorities wherever and whenever we meet. Yes this is a big regular problem for me.
Then there have been times when I've chanted the Holy Names of the Maha Mantra more than 64 rounds of Japa " on beads" in a single day. Then after patting myself on the back for that accomplishment I realize how easy it is to chant so many rounds but not really communicate with Hare, Krishna or Rama the whole time. Instead of thinking humbly, praying for service or thinking of Krishna and His Pastimes in Vrindavan, Dwarka or Mayapur as Lord Chaitanya, only thoughts of food, sex, sleep or defense have been prominent. I must be suffering from a type of amnesia because while in the presence of the Holy Name I fail to recognize Nam at all. " How have these calamities come upon me?"
Every once in a while a tear comes to my dry desert like eyes when I hear a Vaisnav chant Krishna's Name so lovingly but only if he/ she has a very melodious voice. I then realize my attachment is to the musical tones rather than the Pure Nam.

A few nights ago I had a very rare encounter with you, Srila Prabhupad in a dream. You chastised me for not being a very good servant. As you continued your talk I was feeling proud of myself for sitting nicely cross legged before you. Consequently I didn't hear anything you were saying, but then when you were done talking and I tried to get up I couldn't, by myself....you had to help me.
I blamed my inability on being 70 years old, but you didn't want to hear any excuses at all.
I guess you could understand that I have a history of blaming this or that or somebody for my shortcomings to interfere with serving you nicely.
When you accepted me as your student and named me and asked me to follow the regulative principles, it was easy to say yes, but did I? .....No! ....Can I?.... Maybe someday.
Despite knowing my shortcomings you engaged me in your service. Because of the service you have engaged me in I can loudly declare to the world you are the most "tolerant" "compassionate" "loving" "forgiving" person I have ever known.
If anyone wants to know how compassionate you are then they need only look at me. Despite being a wretched fool you have saved me from the greatest calamity in the material world by giving me some service to you.
Your mercy is truly all that I am made of, of this there is no doubt. You remain as my guide and tolerate everything.
If there is anything at all that I have done which pleases you, Srila Prabhupad, then please let that be sufficient to grant me further future service to you, even if it isn't that great. I'm pretty good at cleaning so if you need someone then please keep me in mind and consider me for the job.

Your compassionate mercy is my only solace, my only hope, my only real source of satisfaction.
Yes I still need satisfaction, my service attitude is very conditional I admit. So please be forgiving of my very neophyte mentality, I pray.

Will I ever grow up and out of this juvenile mood? I don't know, maybe in many more life times.
Please remain patient with me dear Srila Prabhupad. Please overlook my familiarity in the same way a father overlooks the son's foolishness. Think of me more like a son, after all you named me
And brought me into your family. I'm much less of a disciple than your son. I have no discipline.
But I will always have you because I know you love me and I love you.

Your loving compassionate fatherly mercy mean everything to me.
I know you will always be there to help me up.

Your eternal son,
Kala das
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Krishna-Das Mulder
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101 - 1595 Barclay St.
Vancouver, BC V6G1J8
Canada
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Vancouver, BC V6G1J8
Canada
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101 - 1595 Barclay St.
Vancouver, BC V6G1J8
Canada
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Supporting Notes (optional)
Thank you again for your wonderful service.

🙏